SURVIVING THE HOLIDAYS: A GUIDE FOR SURVIVORS OF INCEST

The holidays can feel like a season of joy, family, and celebration but for survivors of incest, these same events can awaken fear, anxiety, and painful memories. Crowds, familiar faces, and old dynamics can make this season feel overwhelming or unsafe. Your feelings are valid, your safety is sacred, and you are allowed to protect your heart while still finding moments of peace, love, and joy.

 

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

It’s okay to feel anxious, sad, or even angry during the holidays. Memories, flashbacks, or pressure to “pretend everything is fine” can arise. Recognizing and naming your emotions is a powerful act of self-care.

Practical Tips:

• Keep a journal nearby to write down thoughts and feelings.
• Speak with a trusted friend, therapist, or support group regularly.
• Practice grounding techniques notice your breath, your body, or objects around you to stay present.
• Allow yourself moments of pause during gatherings to check in with your feelings.

Affirmation: “I honor my feelings. They are real, and they are safe here with me.”

 

2. Set Boundaries Early

Boundaries are acts of love for yourself. Decide in advance which interactions feel safe and which do not. This may include limiting time with certain family members, choosing not to attend triggering events, or stepping away when conversations feel unsafe.

Practical Tips:

• Decide how long you will attend events in advance.
• Communicate your limits clearly to supportive people around you.
• Use gentle but firm language such as, “I need some time for myself.”
• Give yourself permission to leave without guilt.

Affirmation: “It is safe for me to say no. I am worthy of peace and respect.”

 

3. Create a Safe Environment

If you attend gatherings, identify quiet spaces where you can retreat, keep your phone or a trusted friend available for support, and plan safe exits in advance. Bring grounding objects a journal, a comforting item, or essential oils to help you stay present and centered.

Practical Tips:

• Know where quiet spaces or exits are before arriving.
• Keep a supportive friend on call or nearby for check-ins.
• Carry grounding items that has worked in the past.
• Practice simple grounding exercises: press your feet onto the floor, touch a comforting object, or breathe slowly.
• Plan your transportation and timing to maintain a sense of control.

Affirmation: “I am held in safety. I am not alone.”

 

4. Plan for Triggers

Holidays often include sights, smells, music, and traditions that can awaken memories. Protect your heart by preparing coping strategies deep breathing, meditation, or visualization setting limits on stressful conversations, and deciding how you will respond to intrusive questions.

Practical Tips:

• Identify potential triggers before the event and develop coping strategies.
• Take breaks if emotions become intense step outside or find a quiet room.
• Use grounding exercises to stay connected to the present.
• Prepare phrases to redirect or disengage from triggering conversations.

Affirmation: “I am in control of my space. My body, my mind, my heart are mine.”

 

5. Lean on Loving Support

Trusted friends, therapists, or support groups can provide emotional safety and reassurance. You do not have to navigate this season alone.

Practical Tips:

• Share your boundaries with supportive people beforehand.
• Arrange for check-ins or calls during gatherings.
• Attend events with someone you trust if possible.
• Seek out online or local support groups if in-person support isn’t available.

Affirmation: “I am worthy of love, care, and support. I am not alone.”

 

6. Practice Self-Compassion

It is okay to skip events, leave early, or feel emotions deeply. Surviving the holidays is not about enduring everything, it is about honoring yourself, your healing, and your inner strength.

Practical Tips:

• Give yourself permission to rest and recharge.
• Use gentle self-talk and affirmations to reinforce your worth.
• Celebrate small acts of courage like attending part of an event or speaking up for yourself.
• Take time after events to process emotions through journaling, meditation, or a comforting activity.

Affirmation: “I am gentle with myself. I am healing. I am enough.”

7. Create Your Own Traditions

You have the power to redefine what the holidays mean for you, shaping them around love, safety, and joy rather than obligation or expectation. Celebrate with chosen family or supportive friends, volunteer or give back in ways that bring meaning, or engage in small, nurturing acts cook a favorite meal, write, read, or simply rest allowing yourself to feel comfort, peace, and presence in the moment.

Practical Tips:

• Plan your own rituals and celebrations that feel safe and joyful.
• Focus on sensory comfort lighting a candle, listening to soothing music, or cooking a favorite dish.
• Connect with supportive friends virtually if gatherings aren’t possible.
• Reflect on gratitude, love, or personal growth in a journal or meditation.

Affirmation: “I honor my own joy. I create safety and love in my own way.”

 

Remember: You are allowed to move at your own pace, to survive, to reclaim moments of joy, to open your heart to love on your own terms, and to protect the sacred space within yourself. Every step you take toward your well-being is a triumph, and every act of self-care is a declaration that your life, your heart, and your healing matter.

This season, may you feel the profound warmth of your own love radiating through every cell of your being, a love that has carried you through darkness and held you when no one else could. May you sense the gentle, steadfast embrace of those who truly care for you, their presence a soft but unwavering reminder that you are not alone. And may you feel the quiet, enduring strength within yourself, the strength forged from every hardship, every wound, every act of survival that continues to rise, resilient and unbroken. You are safe, you are deeply seen, you are wholly loved, and you are enough, exactly as you are, in this moment.